sex.love.and.music.

You said that you were put on this earth to be with me...
That means that you were born solely to conjoin with my soul and show the world what a predestined love looks like. Our love is supposed to shine for the world to see and be as intimate as our deepest secret. Our love should weather any storm and never falter. Our love has to mirror God's undying love for us and make people want to work to have what we have. Something that is true will inspire others to improve themselves; inspire them to work towards truth. And all these things must be true about our love because it was predetermined.

When we talked about this earlier I had to stop and think. I wasn't caught off guard, I think everything just "set in" for a second. We are a product of divine coupling. All of my fears, joys, struggles, accomplishments, sadness, anxiety, happiness, talent, faults, mistakes, success, tears...all of my everything was meant to be shared with you. A very specific person. The very perfect person for me. That's a very powerful thought...and an even more powerful reality.

I don't think anything in life has felt this right since I started writing my life in song. You are my [luckyse7en.] and that becomes more real everyday. My beautiful completion, my divine love, my mysterious righteousness, my stormy perfection, my indivisible love, my shared movement...my [wife.]

I love you. I love that you took my life by storm, turned my world upside down, reintroduced me to myself, made me believe in love again, stole my heart and took good care of its wants and needs...I'm glad that I have all of you. I'm glad that you have all of me. Its reassuring to know that if everything else crumbles we'll still have eachother...and that's all that matters.

143.
dame besos.
please? I says please.

-[yellowcandy.]

i says..

i love you.
the end.

while you were sleeping.

i sit...in a dark room experiencing you
the art of your smile mirrors our most perfect moment
so beautiful
it encourages my soul to walk toward the same movement that brought us together
my lips, lame,
parched without our warm, honest touch
longing to be drenched in your imagination,
in your hope.
the farthest distance nourishes the deepest love ever felt
between conjoined souls
inadequacy consumes this heart
perplexed by one heart's rhythm
echoing what your very being screams
my eyes find the sky somewhere between night's calm and morning's promise
i found you there and took notice
amidst the sea of curious blue
i fell in love
i stood in love
i lived in love
and my pen accounted for my whereabouts
the journey i took with love
lead me to the pillow where you rest your head
our foreheads met
our thoughts coupled
we found residence.

I write ur name in my notebook...

And this is how it looks...

On the way to
Love
I
Veered away from
Ignorant coupling
And found

Lyrical bliss

Closing in on [forever.]
Love proved to be more than
Amorous gazes tilting me off of my
X-axis
Turning my attention to the
Only woman who despised
Nonsense as much as I
-
Breathing life into love and attempting to
Resuscitate the belief in
One true love
We made each other complete in this
Never-ending [perfectmoment.]

jibberish.

I've been looking for the one that turns my head and makes me smile. The one who's REAL, who helps me heal, who cooks me meals and has ILL style. Some came close and didn't succeed to be exactly what I need, in life, for a wife, they were trife, gave me strife. But now and forever more I have love from my inner core that's only complete when its joined with your sweet love.

I love you. I don't mind being goofy around you. Looking silly around you. You're my counterpoint...we're the same movement.

143. Dame besos.
Te amo.
-[forever.] urs.
*singing* i love u, i do.

it started off with a kiss...

If had a lot of rough times in this short lifetime of mine....some really rough times. I know that I'm stronger than most but I'm also more fragile than I'd like to admit. You understand that and I appreciate you for that. These past few months have been "the best of times and the worst of times." I've learned a lot about myself and my heart. I'm sure of what I can and cannot deal with and what I can and cannot live without. I know for a fact that I would be a lot less happy with my life if I hadn't taken the time to get to know you. Eventhough we've been through a whole lot, I wouldn't change our story for the world...ur my [happyeverafter.] And in this life there's only space to write...no time to edit.

I don't feel alone in this journey and that's the greatest feeling of all. I feel like you're right there beside me, waiting to help me and hold me. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. My best friend, my love, my life...a reason to keep working, a reason to keep striving for my goals. I expect a lot from myself and I expect more now that I have you. I keep telling myself..."I need to be great for [her.], for our children, for our family. I need to accomplish great things. She requires more of me." That keeps me going. You should be with nothing less than greatness and everyday I strive towards that for us.

We are a partnership. We are the bond that people hope they'll find once in their lives. We are love. We are commitment. We are set aside from every frivalous connection, every meaningless act of sex...we are something great. We are something different. We live love rather than exist in love. We are a force.

Everyday I'm working towards you...I'm moving towards you...like when you dance to my music. I can't wait to see your face, to feel your touch, to kiss your lips. You know, I was talking to viv about you--not that I don't do this often but anywho--we were talking about kissing. I said, "you know, there's something about having something that's real. You can't shake the feeling. You don't want to live without the feeling. You can't live without the feeling. When I kissed before it was nothing special, prelude to sex, something to pass the time...nothing momumental. But because this is so real I can't do anything else. I couldn't want anything/anyone else. I didn't even like kissing really before [her.] And neither did she. But obviously, we've done something different for eachother. Once you feel something so genuine that it changes your life and makes you take notice, you become addicted to that feeling. I've fallen in love with intimacy...physical, mental, emotional and every other kind there is. I yearn for that everyday. And there's no one in the world who could make me feel that truth in their kiss....and this is just a kiss. Imagine everything else..."

I'm saving my all for you my lucky se7en. My [wife.] [mylife.]

Dame besos. I'll be there to get them really soon.
I love you.
-yellowcandy.

the 2nd half of forever.

for my lovely lavish.
i LOVE my wife.
i LOVE my wife.
i LOVE my wife.

just thought that I would stress that point if I haven't done that recently.

I walk around in a daze, under a peaceful haze of love for you. People can see a change, a difference in me. They see me smiling more than ever and they have to know whats going on in my life. The smile that you put on my face every morning encourages people to be nosy. lol. I don't mind getting up at anytime and talking to you, giggling with you, doing whatever with you. Because anything with you is better than I could have done by myself. You complete me.

Here's a few non-secrets::
.i think about you ALL day.
.you've made me a better person.
.you made me believe in love again.
.i lay beside a picture of you to feel closer to you.
.it makes me smile to know that you're just as mushy as i am.
.you are my [happyeverafter.].
.i read your posts and hear your voice.
.you're perfect for me.
.im excited about our real wedding.
.i couldn't have picked a better mother for my kids.
.i look forward to spending the rest of my life making you happy.
.i only see you in a crowded room.
.i only feel you when im lonely.
.you're my [wife.].
.my healthiest addiction.


i LOVE you Olivia L Claxton. I will be there waiting for you...watching you walking towards me...palms sweaty. I will be tearing up, dont judge me. I'll be waiting to promise you myself, my love, my life...and you'll never have to question love again. In this all white room, with white lights...fresh and new. Nothing will be more pure and true than that moment...another [perfect moment.]

"I, Kai Natural Brown, take you Olivia L Claxton..." your heart is [forever.] my responsibility. <<<
I'll be there...will you?
i LOVE you. [ forever. ]

finger painting...

Finger painting is my new hobby
Leaving murals of pleasure on your walls
Writing secret treasure maps that read:
longitude=long stroke's attitude,
evokes liquid gratitude
an addict clawing arms in an attic from what
two fingers do
while 8 fingers follow
beating down doors, banging on walls once hollow and empty
now colored with reds passion
my passion is art
my art is passion
I can illustrate your next move
and create your next breath
design the divine arch in your back
I will draw you in shades of purple and blue and the hues that outline the boundaries between the two
Draw you in with promises of meaningful prose before we doze off
Injecting you with doses that remind you of white roses,
so pure and soft
With gentle brush strokes on your timid torso
Leaving the last bit of myself with you
"Love lives here"
Permanently finger painted on shared canvas.

4 [forever.] lavish

I love you. I write for you. I sing for you.

It still amazes me that our love can have such an effect on me and my body. I didn't know how real love could be until I loved you. You are my one true love. My seventh, you made me complete. My lucky7.

I dream about your [belly.] almost everyday and I see our beautiful children. I can see how loving we'll be, and how our connection with eachother and love for eachother will show in everything we do...and in everything they do.

I need to come back to you. Its unreal how much I miss you, need you next to me. I can't and I won't live without you. I'll do whatever it takes to make this happen. Yes, I'm a little impatient, but who wouldn't be when they're in love with the RIGHT person for the rest of their life? Who wouldn't want to run back to the person who still gives them butterflies when you hear their voice? I look at your pictures when I'm talking to you and when I'm not. I laugh at your stupid jokes & your funny ones...lol. Bottom line, your my [wife.] and I won't be without you.

--people felt the song I wrote for you, and sang to you at my performance more than any other song I performed. They could feel my sincere emotion in every note. That made my soul smile. Because I knew that me singing that song was the purest way I could tell you that I loved you....and they knew it too. They didn't have to know who you were...they felt who you were to me...it was powerful.

"....hold me...closer than you've ever held me...I miss ur smell when we speak...and it makes me sing...O, come back to me..."

....I even caught akela singing it yesterday at the dinner table...*smirk*

I'm working as hard as I can to get back to you, get back to us, get back to our world of happiness...when we could deal with the rest of the world's craziness because we had eachother...and a moment in your presence was enough to deal with anything. I'm looking forward to getting lost in ur eyes, drowned in your smiles and giving in to every single sexual desire I have and wearing you out daily.

I love you. I miss you. Come get me?

- ur [wife.]

i want 2 tap a nap with u.

Real eyes realize real lies....

That's so real. It really hit home for me. I thought about is immediately. Because you know your eyes mirror my soul and you can see yourself in mine.

Random post, but I haven't written to you in a while.

I try and understand everyday why u love me. Why I've changed the possibility of [forever.] You made me believe in love again. I don't think I've ever told you that. Then you let me fall into open, forgiving, loving arms...and I've been smiling ever since.

::ur sleeping now and I wanna be there with u::

I love you SO much.
[damebesos.]

-[wife.]

a few not so random thoughts

*When you write to me you sound so sure of yourself.
*You speak with such authority and clarity.
*It excites me that the person that writes me and the person I talk to are becoming the same person.
*It still amazes me that you have the right answers to every question, small or big.
*this is a secret......I lay next to a picture of u on my phone to feel closer to you.....

Ok...I think I look like enough of a dork right now. I'll write again soon.

I'm still waiting for you to write to me.

It still hurts when I look for you and you're not there. There's still a huge whole in my chest. Where u used to be. You're still there....just in baltimore. I love you. I miss you. My every thought is you.

I desperately wanna relive the night that u said [ forever. ] and read it over and over. I'm waitin for that too.

I've been doing a lot of thinking since u said [ forever. ] I've had a lot of convo about it with myself...and parts of it 2 others...making sure I'm not being unfair to you...and a whole lot of other shit. Maybe I should be talking to you about this...*shrugs*

I have to see u soon. I can't live without kissing you...feeling your warmth...

I miss you.

-lonely in GA

from the most sincere place in my heart...

Let me try this again...

These are a collection of words that come from my creative mind...my heart is attached to every syllable and my love to every word.

"Sweet like sugar, with the sentimental spirit of coltrane's moods. Warm and familiar, kinda like the way chamomile soothes..."

"...I love hearing them, joking about family ties. How their children would be stubborn and wise. How they'd have oyur dimples and my eyes..."

"...but that's the beauty of all this. You'll show me how much I want this. And I'll fantasize over just one kiss that publicly solidifies you and I,and the feeling that will shoot around my things, past the back of my knees, then to my tingling toes. That's where the 'this has to be right' feeling goes to find retreat; right past the 'I don't know's' and 'I hope so's'...."

"...Eyes speak volumes, careful not to trivialize this moment with words...now intoxicated with a very certain comfort..."

"...she creates a crescendo between these thighs. I'm even in love with the sighs, the groans, the moans..."

"...i spend time alone with you...when u don't kno you're here..."

"...your soul beamstouch my outermost layer with a sensation that lingers paper thin on the tips of my fingers...tangible sunshine...crush velvet springtime glances...simple you go to my head romances..."

"...I unfold as a blossoming flower in your rain shower of perfect smiles. I can't help but want to stay just a little while longer to soak up the essence of your laughter, so I not only feel you now but long after we've parted ways...started days with my first thought being you and the laast thought clutching to the peace I have when I'm with you...and its visible. Every beat of my heart knows it and every look from my eyes show that you've done something different for me...."

I write for you all day. I write to you all day...and I know that its a bummer that we don't get to be with eacother face to face but I think that its a little charming that we have to WRITE to eachother all day. Its corny I know...but still sweet.

I love you.
I miss you.

-wifey

u make me wanna....

What makes me want to shower you with gifts? Buy you anything your heart desires? Attempt to give you everything you've ever wanted? Send white roses in a clear box to you every morning...because I know that you love them but you're allergic to them. What makes me want to collect all of the yellow candy ever made and put it in a basket with your name on it? What makes me get lost in the depth of your eyes? What is it about you that makes me want to spend everything I can maintaining your uber-fabulousity? What makes me want to be just as fabulous so I look like I belong on your arm...or atleast that we belong together?

All day I think about ways to make you smile, to make you happier than you've ever been...to make you sure everyday that your heart is safe with me. I think of creating moments of fantasy, sweeping you off your feet, letting your life become a fairy tale, then making that fairy tale a reality.

I love you more than I could ever write or say.
-[ itis. ]

u+me=peace+love=muisc

"My music bares your name....if they knew where to look, they'd find it..."

It seems like my creativity bares your name. These poems that I wrote long before you were the center of my attention, my thoughts, my world still read as if you were the subject of my creative expression. I don't know how we can have such a significant connection to a poem who's life began long before our story was ever written. It amazes me when I read them over and over and try to figure out why they speak to the life I'm creating now, with you.

".....accept the fact that you've never dealt with anyone like me. Take a heaping scoop of the love I'm willing to give you...prepared to spoil you with affection, drown you with attention, and my love won't change...."

You say that I spoil you all the time. I laugh inside and then smile. I want to spoil you and I swear that I'm not able to spoil you the way I want to spoil you. I know you don't ask for things and I try not to ask for things either. We both know why we do this but it doesn't make it right. I want you to be able to ask me for things and I want to be able to say, "Ok love, you'll have it." You know I would do anything to give you everything you want. You tell me that I do enough, I don't think I do enough. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever get to the point that I feel like I'm doing enough...but maybe one day I'll be more satisfied with the way I'm taking care of you.

Do I really spoil you with affection? I try to love you with my eyes and touch you so you don't forget what real love feels like on your skin. I have 73526718912 scillion hugs and kisses with your name on them, waiting for you to use them all. I love taking care of you. I love cooking for you. Making your life easier. Making you happy. Giving you a chance to bask in "us." But you always deserve more, so how could I possibly be spoiling you?

I wrote you a song and sang it to you while playing in your hair. I don't believe it could've been anymore perfect than that. You looked up at me so adoringly I could've cried. You were so beautiful at that very moment....and in that same moment I knew that my love for you couldn't change. I've never written a song specifically for one person. You're the chorus to the song of my life. Now how's that for "my music bares your name...if they knew where to look, they'd find it...."

143.
-[ frankenstein. ] EFFIN currency.

in desperate need of patchwork...

I am upset. Boo baltimore once again. I can't stand u broads. I miss my lotto already. I missed her 2 days before she left. I knew the whole in my chest would b gaping one and I've never felt this empty. Its amazing how much someones presence changes ur entire outlook on everything. I guess I'll understand how much I can deal with. I know I'll be fine. And I know we'll be fine. I didn't have a problem committing before. Remaining faithful is not an issue. Especially when I was giving up everything...every hoe-ish action to be with another woman that would break my heart and act like she's the one. She did so well...had me fooled for a while..but I think I've got my shit str8 now. I know now that I can't look to anyone to fix my need for stability...I must find that within myself. I have 2 make things happen for me. I also need to learn how to let lotto hold it down for me. I finally have a down a** chick and I need to let her do what she needs to do. I believe that she's extremely good for me...and I'm great for her. I still don't kno how this happened...but I'll take pure happiness. Maybe its warranted...for all the heartache and headache I've just dealt with. And my heart still hurts. Even at this very moment it hurts. But I can't let that get in the way of something so real, so right, so easy, so sensible, so us.

I love you.
I miss you.
I need you.
Ur [ mylife. ]
[ damebesos. ]

- urs.